Jessica

The good news is I wrote some yesterday! The bad news is I don't know what to write today. So I am here instead. At least I am using my brain to do something other than clean the house or fold the laundry. So here is part of Jessica's story which I worked on yesterday. Jessica is Laura's cousin. (Laura is the main character in my excerpts published in my previous posts)Jessica is a senior in high school in the beginning of her story, however, I have already developed her story quite a bit in the future from this point and time.


Jessica wondered if Hailey thought of anything else besides boys. That was all that was on her mind these days. Jessica had known her cousin Hailey all her life. In fact, they were practically sisters. And in perfect sister fashion, Hailey could be extremely irritating.
“So I was at a party the other night at Kara’s house – why weren’t you there, by the way? – and I saw HIM.” Hailey said this last word with a sort of breathless excitement.
“Who?”
“You know! Philip Collins! His dad is the new football coach and everyone in school is drooling over Phillip.”
“Hmm. I think I know who he is.” Of course Jessica knew exactly who Phillip Collins was, but she didn’t want her boy-crazy cousin to think Jessica was like all the rest of the girls. And she certainly wasn’t going to tell Hailey that Phillip was going to be her partner for their big government research paper.
“Well, of course, I don’t act like an idiot around him the way others do. I hope he asks me to the prom. He is so funny, Jess. And smart!”
“Smart? I doubt that.” Jessica had been irritated to find out she had been paired with a jock for the research paper. Jessica had already resigned to doing the paper all by herself.
“So why weren’t you at Kara’s the other night?”
“I told you that I was taking the SAT’s the next morning at, like, 8:00 so my mom wouldn’t let me stay out late.”
“I can’t believe Aunt Karen is still treating you like a 13-year-old. You should set her straight.”
“She doesn’t treat me like a child!”
“Okay. Okay. Don’t get all red in the face about it. I’m just saying you should relax some. And your mom should let you. My mom lets me do what I want.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”

Jessica was eavesdropping on Phillip Collins’ raucous account of his Christmas vacation he had in Vail with his brothers. Jessica wished Hailey had never mentioned Phillip. Now Jessica was curious. And she was irritated with herself that she would be intrigued just because all the other girls in her class were intrigued. As if he could read her mind, Phillip at that moment looked directly at Jessica and smiled. Jessica blushed and then felt like kicking herself. Phillip walked over to her. “So you’re Hailey Rutherford’s best friend.”
“Um, yes. Actually we’re cousins. My dad and her mom are brother and sister.” Jessica felt like an idiot. What was she blabbing about?
“Yeah, she’s quite the life of the party.” Phillip quickly looked Jessica up and down and said, “I get the feeling you aren’t exactly like her.” Jessica was at first offended at this statement and looked up at him to vehemently declare that she could have fun just like the next girl. But as she looked up at him, a crooked smile appeared on his handsome, tanned face and Jessica suddenly was dumbstruck. He was cute. She had to give Hailey that. He said, “So we’re going to be partners in Ms. Reed’s class. I guess we should plan to meet up soon to discuss our research paper.”
“Um, yeah.” Jessica never felt more at a loss of words.
“How about tomorrow directly after school?”
“Sure. You can come to my house. I live in Forest Ridge right down the road.”
“Okay. Thursday sounds fine to me.” He smiled again at Jessica and left her feeling slightly annoyed, slightly excited, and slightly confused all at once.

Jessica’s head tilted back as she roared with laughter. She did not remember the last night she had laughed so much in one afternoon. She and Phillip were sitting across from each other at Jessica’s kitchen table. They had two unopened textbooks and two empty cans of Coca-Cola sitting in between them. It was 5:30. They had been talking for two hours and had not even touched their research project.
“Oh you’re kids will be hell raisers! It skips a generation, you see. I have extensive research on the subject, mostly from personal findings, of course.”
“So then you’re parents must have been saints!”
“Yes. And I hear about it every day.” Phillip laughed lightheartedly. Out of the corner of her eye, Jessica saw her family van pulling into the driveway from the bay window of their kitchenette. She glanced at the clock and gasped. “Oh wow. My mom and sister are back from softball practice! I totally didn’t realize what time it was.”
“That’s okay. I guess we’ll have to meet up again though, in order to get our work done.”
“Yeah. Um, whenever is good for me.” Jessica’s mind was spinning. She had never had a guy over to the house before and didn’t know how awkward it would be when her sister and mother walked in. What would Katelyn think? She was in the 10th grade, but Jessica was sure she would know who Phillip Collins was – everyone knew who he was. And Jessica’s mother knew she was studying with someone this afternoon, but Jessica didn’t think her mother would be prepared to see Phillip. Jessica glanced at Phillip and he looked spectacular with his tanned arms crossed loosely behind his head. He had a baby blue short-sleeved shirt that highlighted his eyes and his nicely shaped biceps. Even though Jessica had honestly invited Phillip over to study, would her mom think this was a date, of sorts? And why was Jessica so concerned all of a sudden? Her mother walked in with Katelyn directly behind her. And to Jessica’s surprise, Phillip stood up and walked over to her mother, held out his hand and said, “Mrs. Kenshaw. I’m Phillip. It’s nice to meet you. Jessica and I are partners for our government research project. Can I help you with your groceries?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you are partnered with Phillip Collins!” Katelyn later exclaimed while staring at her older sister in awe. “And he was so nice! And he is so very cute!”
“Would you stop already? We are just partners for a boring research paper. That’s it! In fact, I kinda hate I am his partner because I have a feeling I’m going to have to do all the work.” Jessica felt this overwhelming desire to let everyone know she was not interested in Phillip. In fact, she was determined to convince herself as well. What was the point in being interested in him anyway? People like him didn’t like smart girls like Jessica. She could see Phillip dating Hailey. And even though she tried to ignore it, she was irritated by that idea.

4-Letter Word

Has it really been that long since I have written on this blog (and, written on my book?)

Remember when you were a child and you could NOT WAIT until your next birthday? And then when you hit high school, you could NOT WAIT until you were graduating. Time always seemed to go so slow. I was always looking ahead. Well, at some point in the last 14 years, my desire to speed up time has completely died and I now wish for time to SLOW DOWN!! I blinked and Madelyn has turned from a baby to a little girl. And my ideas about my writing that seemed so current are now almost a year old. I wish I had some great excuse as to why I haven't written, but I don't. All I have a is an ugly 4-letter word - LAZY. Lazy! Now there are probably some psychological reasons for my laziness, but I don't want to go there now, because I already know the cure to laziness - action! Madelyn starts Mother's Day Out in two weeks. She will be going 3 days a week, and I want to spend as much of that time as possible to start writing again. If anyone out there is reading this, I ask you to periodically ask me how my writing is going - and get onto me if I haven't written! I do NOT want another year to go by with nothing to show for it!!!!!

Coming Alive

That is a good idea, Margaret! Maybe I should invest in a recorder and I can just dictate my thoughts while playing with Madelyn and then transcribe later. It will be like I'm a doctor, only I won't have an assistant to transcribe my dictations later. Maybe I should invest in one of those too.

Yesterday I printed out all that I have written so far and when I had a few minutes I looked over it and jotted down some changes and corrections. So at least I did SOMETHING. Maybe today I can type up what I corrected. I did realize something yesterday. If I keep everything on the computer, I don't think about the book as often. I need to have it in front of me. I am going to start carrying around my list of characters with me all the time. Then at least I can have a reminder of what I need to be working on. I remember when Madelyn was a newborn and all I was doing was feeding her every two hours. To pass the time, I would watch Lost (I have all the past seasons on DVD) all day long. And because that is what I was spending my time doing, I would think about it - A LOT. I would have dreams about Lost. I need for my book and my characters to be in my thoughts and dreams again. I need for it to come alive instead of just words saved in a Word document.

Motivation

It is now October and I have written NOTHING in over a month. Am I motivated enough to do this? Obviously not. But deep down, I really do want to write. So how do I tap into that desire and make it a tangible part of my daily life? How do I find energy to sit down and be creative after I lay Madelyn down and all my body wants to do and sit and "veg" (i.e. watch TV)? How do I squeeze in a few moments of creative writing when Madelyn is actually entertaining herself for 15 minutes?

This will do for now

Don't worry. I'll be posting soon. The week before last we were at the beach and last week I had a cold :( But next week starts Mother's Day Out and my daughter is going twice a week. Hopefully this will give me some more writing time. So, I'll just post another segment of what I've already written for now. This picks up right after my first posted segment. There are some areas in this segment, however, that I might expand on in the future.
Hope you all enjoy.


Laura wanted to make Christmas last as long as possible. She sat in the middle of her grandmother’s living room with her very last wrapped present in her lap. Her extended family had all finished opening their presents and some of the adults were gathering balled up wrapping paper into trash bags. Laura’s cousins John and Peter began wrestling in the living room as their mother shouted, “Boys! Outside!” Other members of her extended family were trying out their new presents; a new camera, a new jacket and matching scarf, a new manicure set. Laura looked up and saw her mother walking towards her. Her mother was making a funny face. In fact, her mother had been making this face all morning. It was the same face she made last summer when her mother had to explain why their family beach trip had been postponed due to a hurricane. Laura could tell her mother was afraid Laura was going to be upset. “Sweetie, aren’t you going to open up your last present?”
“But I don’t want Christmas to end, Mommy!” Laura’s mother started to say something, but then stopped and just smiled. Laura could tell her mother understood what Laura was thinking. This was it; after this, Christmas would be over. Laura didn’t want Christmas to end. And even though she was really excited about the new toys and dolls she had received, in the back of her mind, she was disappointed. Her father had warned her she was not getting what she asked for, but she couldn’t help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that what she wanted more than all the toys and all the dolls in the world was not sitting her lap wrapped up in reindeer paper. After looking in her mother’s eyes for a long time, Laura finally sighed and began to open her present. She very carefully took her index finger and ran it under the scotch tape that held the paper together. She quickly closed her eyes when she glimpsed the color of pink peeking out at her through the opening. But the curiosity got the better of her and she finally opened one eye and then another. She looked down at the opened present in her lap. It was a pink baby stroller. Although she was still disappointed, she was excited she finally had a stroller for her dolls. She had been telling Lisa for months now about the commercial with the girl pushing her baby doll in a hot pink baby stroller with purple, glittery flowers on the side. She jumped up and hugged her mother. “Thank you, Mommy! It is exactly the one I wanted! I can’t wait to show Lisa!” After their hug, Laura thought she glimpsed a small tear in the corner of her mother’s eye. But it was quickly wiped away, and Laura wondered if it had been her imagination.

She then scanned the room for her dad who had witnessed their embrace from across the room. Her father smiled at Laura and mouthed, “I love you.” He then turned his head back to his conversation with Uncle T. With all the commotion of tidying up the disaster of unwrapped presents, it seemed odd that her father and uncle would be sitting down having a quiet conversation. Although Laura saw Uncle T and his family often, she always was a little scared of him. He always sounded like he was mad. “He has had a lot of sadness in his life,” was her father’s response when Laura once asked about her uncle’s demeanor. With her excitement of her new pink baby stroller, Laura almost ran to her father and interrupt their conversation to show it off, but something in their faces stopped her. Laura could tell they were speaking grownup. Laura instinctively turned to find someone else to show off her new toy.

Spontaneity

I have been writing all afternoon. Having that dream yesterday somehow lit a fire underneath me. I am really liking this character I have been focusing on lately. Her name is Jessica and she isn't in the little excerpt I posted the other day. She is Laura's first cousin and she is a senior in high school. She is falling in love with the most popular boy in school and I am just in love with their little story! Of course, I know a huge problem is about to arise with their relationship...

It is strange to me how spontaneous I am about writing. For the most part, I am very regimented in everything I do. I like schedules and lists and plans. I do things the same way at the same time every day. This is normally how I thrive. But with creative writing, it just cannot be planned. I can plan certain aspects of writing, like character names and plot lines, but the actual writing has to come when I am inspired, which is not everyday. Maybe it will get easier as I write more. And I guess the more I have written, the more I will have to inspire me.

Okay, work is now over because my little one has just woken up from her nap. Maybe I can get in some more writing before the end of the day.

Inspiring Dreams

I mentioned in a previous post that sometimes my writing ideas come from dreams. Well last night I had another inspiration. I have to first explain how these dreams work before I explain what happened in last night's dream. In these inspiring dreams, I am the main character and I am personally experiencing the storyline. However, I have to stress that they aren't actually happening to me, Tonya. I had to really explain this to my husband after I dreamed I had an affair. I, Tonya, am very happily married and completely in love with my husband. But in this particular dream, I (the main character of my dream) was completely unhappy with my marriage, and this fact was one of the reasons I had an affair. This is how I know that this dream is not about me and my subconscious, it is about one of my characters. (By the way, I completely expect men with straight jackets to arrive on my doorstep after people read this post!) I think these storylines happen to me personally because I need to feel the experience personally in order to write about it. The strange thing about these dreams is I don't necessarily know which of my characters I am dreaming about. It is kind of fun to have to figure this out the next morning.

Okay so last night it was a romantic dream. It was fun and exhilarating because it was a, oh my gosh, did he just hit on me? kind of moment. I was in college and I am talking to a young professor, maybe a graduate assistant. It is right after class and he and I are conversing like we are pretty good friends. I ask him if he is going to the game and he responds that football is not really his thing. Then I say that I am in the band and he says, "Yes I know. It is strange to me to see your beautiful hair all sweaty and stuck to her head after you have been in your uniform all night." I am completely surprised by this statement and then there is this moment of connection between the two of us. His eyes look at me and tell me that yes, he realizes what he just said and that he is, in fact, interested in me. And I look at him in a completely different way. All of a sudden, I realize that he has been admiring me this entire time of knowing each other. I am completely tongue-tied. I don't know what to say, so I say, "I don't know how beautiful it is. I pulled out a gray hair the other day." How funny is that? Now that last part is from my own experience because I pulled out my first gray hair when I was 20-years-old. Turning prematurely gray runs in my family (thanks, mom.)

I am not 100% positive who this dream was about, but I have a pretty good idea. And this is exciting because I haven't really expanded on this particular character very much up until now. I am also excited because this past week I have been completely blank when it comes to writing anything new. I have been focusing on organizing my family tree and editing what I have already written. And I also have been reading a lot. I see this as a perk to my "job." Reading and writing have an entanglement that is unbreakable, and so it is very important that I keep reading. And since I love to read, I don't object :)